AnotherPun (Housing pun)

What do you call an attic that threatens to destroy the whole house?

Problem-atic!

(rating: 2.5/5)

Decent pun.

Water can seriously mess up electronics.
If you work around electronics and have recently washed your hands, you should DRY to be careful around them.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Pun... (Anger pun)

Whether walking or driving, one must always confront the "Who goes first?" problem at stop signs.

If you wait too long to go, the other may go cross.

(Rating: 4/5 - Works both ways.)

On "air" an "or."

An nearly infinite amount of mediocre/good puns can be made using words that end in the "air" sound.

Take "stair."

Other: Man, we had to walk up 2,000 stairs in P.E.
Me: That's stairable.
or
Me: That's un-stairable.
(Unbearable.)
or
Me: That's really stairy!
(Scary!)
or
Me: That's stairy unfortunate!
(very)
etc, etc...

Much the same thing can be done with words ending with "or."
Take the word "gore" in a recent conversation about the movie 300.
Other: There was a lot of blood!
Me: That's gore-able!
(Horrible!)
or
Me: It's not to bad if you ig-gore it.
(Ignore.)
etc, etc...

Remember, these puns are of fairly low quality.

This was added by Algebra Prodigy while I wasn't looking. It's funny enough to keep although it lacks puns.

This pun was really really noob.
I think ThisWas the MyName needs more micro.
He probably should work for Tyco
And he really likes J-Lo
and he likes to use the yo-yo
ohhh ohhh.

See his here.

I'm gourd out of my mind. (Gourd pun)

What do you call a flattened gourd?

Squash!

(Rating: 2/5 - Obvious, not punny.)

Coding pun

Programming languages are hard to understand. I guess you could say that they are scryptic!

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Don't let your gourd down! (Gourd pun)

(Created by Sakana)
What do you call a gourd which tells actors when to come on stage?

A que-cumber!

(Rating: 3/5)

Vegitables (Vegitable pun)

What do you call having to carry a large gourd?

Cu-cumbersome!


(Cucumbers are part of the gourd family.)

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Color pun

What do you call a so-so yellow pigment?

Medi-ochre!

Definition of ochre (Taken from www.colorconcepts.com/glossary/o.htm.)
"A naturally occurring yellowish pigment composed of iron and clay."

Remember, ignorance of a word is NOT a good reason to rate a pun lowly!

(Rating:2.5/5)

I do this all the time!

This is not the donut pun!

I'll let you figure out the joke. 'Cuz it's obvious.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Mooo! (Cow pun)

Why is it unwise to invest all your money in cow farms?

You put a lot at steak!


(Rating: 3.5/5)

Baking... (Baking pun)

What do you call instructions for food that ends up burning down your house?

A Recipe for Disaster!

(Rating: 3/5)

Har Har Har... (Returning pun)

How did the product feel after it was returned to its store?

It was taken aback!

(Rating: 4/5)

...and they did all that while playing Twister. (Twist pun)

Other: ...and then his own brother came an twisted his neck, killing him instantly.
Me: Wow, what a twisted ending!
(Three meanings: Twisted neck, twisted- cruel, twisted- surprising)

(Rating: 3/5)

Gouge out my eyes!

An extremely talented artist agreed to draw a reenactment of one of the most successful puns ever. Confucius say: Man who run it front of car; tired. Man who run in back of car; exhausted.
(Rating: 4.5/5)

Weight, I have another pun! (Weight pun)

Other: Man, it must have been hard to move two thousand pounds of stone!
Me: Yeah, it was a ton of work!

(Rating: 3/5- It works both ways but has limited uses.)

More elementary puns.

Credit: BowserMan

What do you do to a dead chemist?
You BARIUM!
(Get it? Bury him?)

What do you do to a wounded chemist?
You HELIUM!
(Get it?!? Heal him)

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Pretty darn bad! (Fairytale pun)

What do you call a girl in a fairytale with long hair who keeps making witty remarks?

RePUNzal!

(Rating:2/5)

... (Table pun)

What do you call a table with really soft chairs?

Comfort-table!

(Rating: 3/5)

Not a descriptive title. (Scam pun)

What do you call a test on scamming with cash prizes for the highest scores?
...
A CON-TEST!

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Bacteria bacteria, everything you touch...

My brother and I were discussing bacteria cultures. My brother noted that alcohol and bleach were two of the common ways to kill bacteria. Bleach is better at killing bacteria cultures. To this I replied:

Other methods pale in comparison to bleach!

(Rating: 2/5)

Mandatory fun-poking at SUV drivers... (Gas pun)

What do you call someone who drives a 10mpg SUV?

A gasshole.

(Rating: 2/5)

Pun/riddle (Heart pun)

Q: In what set of bones is the heart kept prisoner?

A: In the rib cage!

(Rating: 3/5)

My genious idea for a sign in a library. (Quiet pun)

*Speaking is not aloud.*

(Get it? Allowed? Aloud?)

(Rating: 4.5/5)

Caution! Slightly crude!

Friend: More stupid work! My analysis teacher is such an ass!
Me: Well, remember- You can't spell analysis without anal!

(Rating: 3/5)

On computer memory... (Computer memory pun)

My friend: This is strange. My text file says that it is only 1 bit!
Me: Yeah, that is a BIT SMALL!

(Rating: 3.5/5)


You can use this whenever dealing with memory sizes.

Run! (Running pun)

I was attempting to run an 8 minute mile in my P.E. class. I made this pun as I completed the first lap in 1:58.

Me: "I guess you could say that I am on track!"

(Rating: 3/5)

A fairly generic good pun. (Chair pun)

What do you call the act of giving out free chairs?

Chairity.

(Rating: 4/5)

Science Pun

This pun was created by one of my friends.
After receiving a graded quiz on nomenclature (the naming of molecular compounds) my friend made this pun:

Aww, darn it! I made a bunch of elementary errors!

(Rating: 4/5)

Ohhh... Burn.

After you win a verbal sparring use this catchy phrase to add insult to insult:

Me: I guess you won't be needing food for a while...

Other: Huh?

Me: That's 'cause you'll be EATING YOUR OWN WORDS!

(Rating: 2/5)

Citrus double pun!

Other: It'd be nice to have some citrus in this cake.
Me: We can ORRANGE for that.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Other: Hmmm... Now it is a little tart.
Me: No need to be sour!

(Rating: 4/5)

Another essay?!? (English pun)

I made this pun after receiving yet another essay from my English teacher:

Me: English teachers are in-humane-ities.
(First say "inhumane" pause, and then say "ities.")

(Rating: 3/5)

YABP (Yet another bad pun.)

Me: Have you heard about all those pyromaniacs who where struck by lightning after burning buildings down?

Other: OMG Huh?

Me: Yeah, god hates those that AR-SINNERS.
(Arsoners)
(Rating: 1.5/5)

Caw-caw (Bird pun)

What do you call a man carrying an albatross around his neck?

BIRDened!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

I woodn't make this pun often. (Drilling pun)

Whaddya call a 5 hour class on drilling holes through wood?

BORING!

Gwahahaha?

(Rating: 3.5/5)

New Post!

I haven't posted any puns over the last 7 days. At the beginning of the 7 days, I told my friends that aliens abducted my hard drive. I guess you could say that it was a WEEK excuse!

(Rating: 3/5)

DotA Puns

These puns are based of characters in the Warcraft 3 map DotA.
There is a unit named Abbadon and another named Spectre. These puns are based of those two names.

Me:
Some heros are really bad signs when your opponents pick them. The Lord of Avernus certainly is A-badd-one!
(Get it? Abaddon, a badd one)
(Rating: 3.5/5)

Me:
This hero isn't that good. I did exSpectre to be better.
(Rating: 2.5/5)

Don't bother with these if you haven't heard of the game.

Two more more mediocre hemi-puns

This one isn't really a pun.
When someone forgets their backpack, say this:
Take your pack back.
(Rating: 1.5/5)

Friend:
I can't believe I got a C on that test! I'm going to throw away my binder.

Me:
Don't do anything tRASH!
(Rating: 2/5)

Don't look sheepish! (Goat pun)

Hokay, so...
A man died and was being reincarnated. He was hoping to be something majestic like an eagle or a lion. As he was being reborn, he noticed he was a sheep. He looked up to his mother and said:
Ewe are kidding me!

(Get it? You/ewe? Kidding can mean joking or birthing.)

(Rating: 4/5)

Small pun (Atom pun)

What do you call a published essay on atoms?
A pArticle!

Bwahahaha!
(Rating: 3/5)
Come on, it works!

I think I'll become vegatarian. (Fat pun)

Me:
We shouldn't eat so much fatty meat. Too much fat can cause stroke and heart attack!
Family:
'kay. So?
Me:
When it comes to meat, it's better to lean on the side of caution.

This can easily be changed into a story pun or joke.
(Rating: 3.5/5)

I'll see you in Court! (Tennis pun)

After winning tennis, my opponent was fuming.

Me:
No need to make such a raquet!

(Rating: 2/5)

Stones. (Hiking pun)

My brother recently went bouldering.

Me:
That rocks! You certainly have gotten boulder.


(Rating: 4/5)

Double Mediocre Pun day! (Hair pun)

Two mediocre puns!

Other:
You should get your hair cut.

Me:
No way! That is barberous.

(Rating: 2.5/5)
My old Social Studies teacher: (I'm probably misquoting this terribly.)
This is how Julius Caesar took over the Roman Goverment and how Hannibal took 37 elephants over the Alps. This is his-story.
(Rating: 2/5)

(Reed: Linux Rocks!)

Schooled! (School pun)

A highly intelligent friend of mine recently switched schools. He was forbade by the administrators to take the classes he wanted, despite being completely capable of succeeding in them.


The principle reason he left the school was because he didn't agree with its principals.
(No pun on the first principle.)

(Rating: 3/5)

Cheepo tactic for pulling off bad puns.

WARNING: This will more often get a "Grrrr" then a "Haha." Too many "Grrrr's" and it's "Ouch" time. For you.

Someone says something that can be interpreted a different way. You feign a double take and point it out to them.

Example from previous post:
Other:
I'm defeated!
Me:
Your feet look fine to me!

Use this on relatives, as others will have no compunction after killing you.

A buncha bad... WORSE puns.

Everyone has terrible ideas, right? Well, here are mine, condensed into one post of horror.

Other:
I'm gonna cut down that tree!
Me:
I woodn't!

Other:
I'm gonna pick the grass!
Me:
You grasshole!

Other:
So, we are building a new section over here...
Me:
House that supposed to work?

Other:
Oh no! I've been defeated!
Me:
I dunno, they seem to be attached fine to me.

(Rating: 0uch/5. Fine, 1/5.)

It Jappened In Japan! (Ouch.) (Garden pun)

Father:
This garden is kept by epic ancient warrior magic monks.
(Fine, not really.)
Me:
Well, I'm glad to see it is well guardend.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Whether which weather witch would switch wood for heather while using her wiles was not well known which is why neither nether beast bested either.

Don't worry, this pun has nothing to do with the title. Except weather.

Nice, cool weather:
This weather is nice!
Yeah, it is pretty cool.

Too cold weather:
I don't like this weather. Not warm enough.
Insulting the weather? That's cold.

Too hot weather:
I'M HOT!
Chill, dude.
OR
I dunno, I'm warming up to it.
AND if you are male:
Well, you ARE standing next to a son!

(Rating: 3.5/5, easy to use)

Another Double Pun!

They bluntly refused to let him/her _______, but they let them join their club!
(Get it? Blunt club? Jajajaja?)
(This is just one use of blunt. Many others work.)

Bob entered the bookstore looking for a book, but instead he found a hippo-robber-ninja! I guess you could say he didn't know what was in store!



(Rating: 3.5/5)

Be Careful What You Say! (Conversation pun)

A recent conversation I've had...
Me:
You look very nice.
Other:
Thanks! I'm flattered!
Me:
Flattered? That's terrible! Who ran you over?
Other:
...
Me:
Are you feeling okay?
Other:
Yeah, why?
Me:
You look a little run down!
Other:
Ahhhhhhhh!

(Rating: 3/5; Could have been used to better effect.)
Pun Words-
Flatter - Embaressed by complement/to be flattened
Run down - Sick/Run over

The sing-ally best pun! (Singing pun)

In school, singing is a re-choired chorus.
Required course? Hahahaha!
(Rating: 4.5/5)


I'm so proud that I made it up myself! It makes me want to siiiing!

Would you like that with milk?

Friend:
I've eaten Cheerios everyday for the last year!

Me:
Oh my god... I didn't know you were a cereal killer!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

I barely survived! (Desk puns)

Friend:
I can't find my favorite desk!

Me:
Can you deskribe it to me?

Friend:
Grrrr... Oh, I've found it. I'm gonna move it to my spot.

Me:
That was desk-pick-able!

Friend:
Stabity-stab-stab!

(Rating: 4/5)

Ouch! (Pencil pun)

Friend:
I've sharpened my pencil a lot! I won't need to use the sharpener for a while.

Me:
You've got a point.

This pun can be applied to any famous person who has been stabbed to death:
The Roman senate didn't like Caesar taking over. Finally, on the Ives of March, Caesar got their point.
(Rating: 3/5)

The web! (Web pun)

What do you call groups of people who socialize on line?

A (dot)com-unity!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Setting up puns.

If one is not careful, puns will go punoticed, and the funniness is greatly reduced if you have to refer back to what the other said.

Therefore, setting up your puns is highly important.
I recommend using the phrase,
"You could say that..."
before your pun.

Double Pun! (Phone pun/scissors pun)

The last day's puns were two bad, so I'll post two twoday! (That wasn't one of them.)

When ever someone's phone rings:
"HAVE FONE!
Perfect the hybrid of fun and phone for maximum effect.

(Rating: 2/5)

A scissors salesperson:
"These scissors are the cutting edge of technology! Whoever made them must be really sharp!"

(Rating: 3.5/5)

On second thought, nevermind.

Friend:
Hey, will you teach me how to play that card game?

Me:
Sure, but it'll be c-hard for you to win.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Full of it! (Food pun)

My friend was placed into a Foods class although he did not sign up for it.

Friend:
Ugg! It is so boring!

Me:
I guess you could say you are fed up!

You can use this when talking about a restaurant, too.
"I'm fed up with McDonalds!"
(Rating: 3/5)

Letter know about my blog!

As with numbers, letters can be punified. This is exceptionally useful to do with grades or multiple choice answers.

Often, these are better subtly inserted into the conversation.

A: That was A good grade for me.
B: I think it is the second answer. It better B.
C: I C. You are right.
D: Not studying for a test and doing badly could be considered a D-feat! (This one is pretty terrible.)
E: That question was E-asy! I completed most of that test with E's/ease.
Etc.

(Rating: 1.5/5; Don't use these often.)

Seven Ate Nine!

There are a good number of puns that can be made on... numbers!

Friend:
Man, that pun sucked. I rate it a zero out of 10!

Me:
0 No!

Friend:
A one/ten.

Me:
That is 1 low rating!

Friend:
...2/10.

Me:
That is two low!

Friend:
4/10.

Me:
How FOURtunate. Still, a little low four me.

Friend:
*Head explode.*

(Rating: 2/5)
Don't say it.

These puns are hairable. (Hair puns)

Hair is a ideal pun word. Let me show you it's uses.
*Recently, I have been growing my hair long, and it has become a topic of conversation.*
Other:
I think your hair looks nice!

Me:
Really? It doesn't look herry good to me! I think I'll cut it.
Other:
No, it looks better long.
Me:
Better long? You are making me feel harried!
Other:
Ha... But seriously...
Me:
Hairitic! Burn them! Stop them from spouting this hairesy!

(Rating: 2.5/5, all together: 4/5)

Oh no, our teacher is gone! (Subsitute pun)

*Our teacher tells us that he will be out on Friday, and that we will have a substitute teacher.
Me:
That is sub-optimal.

(Rating: 3.5/5 - It works in both ways)

On scary dogs and films. (Terror pun)

I'm terrierfied of dogs!


*Friend describing a bad scary movie that he made."

Me:
That sounds horrorble!

(Rating: 3/5)

Music Puns!

*My brother talking about choir*
Me:
I don't think I should take choir.
Brother:
Why?
Me:
I really hate music. I can't bar-a-tone.
Brother:
I find your puns base.
Me:
No need to hate them just because they are off beat!

(Rating: 3/5)

Weigh to go! (Weight pun)

I was standing in line to use a electronic scale, and I thought of this pun.

I'm weighting.
(2/5)

Additionally, if someone looses some weight, tell them "Weigh to go!"


(3/5)

So remember... (Anger management pun)

Two flies were fighting on a toilet seat, and one got pissed off.

(Rating: 4/5)

...don't fight on the toilet seat.

Generic. (Fruit pun)

The search for food in the apple orchard was FRUITFUL!

(Rating:3/5)

Wicked Sick! (Illness pun)

(I fell under the weather just a week after the start of school.)

Getting sick just a week after school started was ill luck!

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Never ceasing to... (Labyrinth pun)

This puzzle you created really a-mazes me!

Real-life situation:
I had built a maze out of furniture.

Friend:
"This is really cool!"

Me:
"Yeah, it is a-maze-ing."

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Doggedly making puns... (Dog pun)

Thankfully, there hasn't been a situation to use this in yet...

Non-existent friend:
"Oh no, my dog ran away!"

Me, but not yet:
"Doggone it!"

(Rating when it happens: 4/5)

I'll sit on the ground. (Seating pun)

Hooo boy, lotsa puns today!

*I come back and find my chair occupied.*
"Oh no, I have been de-seated!"
...
"I'm gonna have a sit!"
...
"As you can see, I'm pretty up-sit about this."
>.<
"I suppose you wouldn't want to chair?"

(Rating: 2.5/5, overall effect when used together: 3.5/5)

Edit -Haha, SITuation

On feet. (Feet pun)

Friend:
"I walked around without shoes for 4 weeks!"

Me:
"That's quite a feet."


(Rating: 4/5; good timing)

Father:
"Darn, I scratched my toe a bit."

Me:
"That doesn't sound toe bad!"
(toe, too?)

(Rating: 3/5)

Wow, just wow. (Amazing pun)

Okay, so there was this tribe called the Trids. Every day, a giant from the mountains would come down and kick them around. The Trids quickly tired of this, but were powerless to prevent the giant. They went to town looking for help, and found a rabbi. They told the rabbi of their plight, and he agreed to help. The next day, the giant came down to kick the Trids, but he found the rabbi in his way. The rabbi said,
"If you want to kick the Trids, you'll have to kick me first!"
The giant laughed, and replied,
"Silly rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

(Rating: 4/5)

Any offence taken is punitentional.

What do you get when you cross oranges and a synagogue?
Orange Jews!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Make it stop! (Quiet pun)

Punny way of telling someone to be quiet:
The sound you make a-noise me.

After a good musical performance:
I'm a-sounded!

(Rating: 2/5)

Pointless puns

I could make a pencil with two erasers, but there wouldn't be a point.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Has a flat pun-ch line, too

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?

A FLAT MINOR!

(Rating: 4/5)

Tired of puns, too? (Car pun)

Confucius say: Man who run it front of car; tired. Man who run in back of car; exhausted.

(Rating, 4.5/5)

Bikes pun

Why couldn't the bike stand on its own?

It was TWO TIRED!

(Rating: 4/5)

The pun at the end of the tunnel. (Light pun)

Whenever someone is about to add a light bulb, open the curtains, get a flashlight, or do anything that will increase the amount of light in a room; this pun can be made.

What a bright idea!

And:

How enLIGHTening.

(Rating: 4/5)

Ohm my god! (Electricity pun)

Electricians often argue over current events.
...
My electricity puns don't seem to be sparking your interest.
I'm shocked!

(Rating: 3/5)

Damn those ungulates! (Giraffe pun)

What do you call a stampede of giraffes?
...
A GIRAFFIC JAM!
Hahaha!
Please don't kill me!


(Rating 3.5/5)

H-2Oh No! (Water pun)

This is one of the best puns I've created, due to it's versatility.

Other person drinking water from a glass.

Me:
Water you drinking?

"Water" should be prenounced close to "what are."

This pun can be used anytime anyone is doing anything with H-2O.

(Rating: 4/5)

Treeeeee Puuuuns

I better make like a tree and leave!
Rating: 4/5

(At one point or another, my friends and I were comparing bugs on a tree to an MMORPG.)
There were too many hackers, so everyone had to log off!
Rating: 3.5/5

Cutlery puns

Someone Else: I don't remember where I bought this this. *Points to a fork*
Me: So, you fork-got?
Rating: 2/5

Me: Anyway, it doesn't look very knife.
Rating: 2/5

Fungi puns

With all of those mushrooms in the salad, there isn't much-room for anything else!
(Rating:2/5)

All these puns make me such a fun-gi to be around.
(Rating: 3/5)

Choo Choo! (Train pun)

Trains.
During my recent trip to Japan, my father commented on the amount of effort it must have taken to make a train pass a mountain.

Me:
It wouldn't be that bad if you were trained.

Father:
...

Me:
Actually, you are right. It would be a mountain of work. You've got me all railed up now.

Father:
. . .

Me:
I'm sorry for interrupting your train of thought, go ahead.

Father:
What have I done?

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Blame it on the way I was raised... from the dead!

What do you call someone who kisses necks?
A neck-romancer!

(Rating: 4/5)

Hehe

You might think it is funny,
To kiss your honey,
When your nose is runny,
But it'snot.

Hehe.

Lettuce have have a vegitable pun!

Recently, my family was eating out. My father ordered a romaine salad.

My Father:
"Wow, I ate it all."

Me:
"Yeah, very little romaines on your plate."

(Rating: 4/5)

Punny

The punniness of a situation can often be accentuated by adding a pun-word. Pun-words are words that normally start with "un" or have an "un" sound at the beginning.

Example:
You: The current events really shock me!
Audience: Hahaha...
You: Yeah, that was really punny, wasn't it?
Audience: Heh...
You: I guess you could say it was really punsuccessful.
Audience: Groan...
Etc.

Good pun-words include:
Pun-intended: Sorry, that was pun-intendid.
Pun-intentional: I didn't mean to make a pun, I swear! It was Pun-intentional!
Pun-expected: That was pun-expectedly funny!
Pun-wanted: I guess my jokes are pun-wanted!
Pun-satisfactory: That last one a little pun-satisfactory.

Don't overuse, or your audience will quickly tire!

Additionally, one can replace the first letters of words with the "un" sound with p's.
Are you having a pun time reading this?
Ahh! More bad jokes! Pun away!
Etc.

Tape pun

Here's a pun I made today:

Someone else:
Ahhh! The duct tape left residue everywhere.

Me:
Aw man, that stucks.

Someone else:
*Explicit threat of bodily violence*

(Rating: 3/5)

No Pun Intended

A man entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping at least one would win. Later, he was disappointed when he learned that no pun-in-ten-did.

Rating: 4.5/5
(Ratings will be explained in the future. This blog lacks rating software, but don't r-hate it if you disagree. )