Treeeeee Puuuuns

I better make like a tree and leave!
Rating: 4/5

(At one point or another, my friends and I were comparing bugs on a tree to an MMORPG.)
There were too many hackers, so everyone had to log off!
Rating: 3.5/5

Cutlery puns

Someone Else: I don't remember where I bought this this. *Points to a fork*
Me: So, you fork-got?
Rating: 2/5

Me: Anyway, it doesn't look very knife.
Rating: 2/5

Fungi puns

With all of those mushrooms in the salad, there isn't much-room for anything else!
(Rating:2/5)

All these puns make me such a fun-gi to be around.
(Rating: 3/5)

Choo Choo! (Train pun)

Trains.
During my recent trip to Japan, my father commented on the amount of effort it must have taken to make a train pass a mountain.

Me:
It wouldn't be that bad if you were trained.

Father:
...

Me:
Actually, you are right. It would be a mountain of work. You've got me all railed up now.

Father:
. . .

Me:
I'm sorry for interrupting your train of thought, go ahead.

Father:
What have I done?

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Blame it on the way I was raised... from the dead!

What do you call someone who kisses necks?
A neck-romancer!

(Rating: 4/5)

Hehe

You might think it is funny,
To kiss your honey,
When your nose is runny,
But it'snot.

Hehe.

Lettuce have have a vegitable pun!

Recently, my family was eating out. My father ordered a romaine salad.

My Father:
"Wow, I ate it all."

Me:
"Yeah, very little romaines on your plate."

(Rating: 4/5)

Punny

The punniness of a situation can often be accentuated by adding a pun-word. Pun-words are words that normally start with "un" or have an "un" sound at the beginning.

Example:
You: The current events really shock me!
Audience: Hahaha...
You: Yeah, that was really punny, wasn't it?
Audience: Heh...
You: I guess you could say it was really punsuccessful.
Audience: Groan...
Etc.

Good pun-words include:
Pun-intended: Sorry, that was pun-intendid.
Pun-intentional: I didn't mean to make a pun, I swear! It was Pun-intentional!
Pun-expected: That was pun-expectedly funny!
Pun-wanted: I guess my jokes are pun-wanted!
Pun-satisfactory: That last one a little pun-satisfactory.

Don't overuse, or your audience will quickly tire!

Additionally, one can replace the first letters of words with the "un" sound with p's.
Are you having a pun time reading this?
Ahh! More bad jokes! Pun away!
Etc.

Tape pun

Here's a pun I made today:

Someone else:
Ahhh! The duct tape left residue everywhere.

Me:
Aw man, that stucks.

Someone else:
*Explicit threat of bodily violence*

(Rating: 3/5)

No Pun Intended

A man entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping at least one would win. Later, he was disappointed when he learned that no pun-in-ten-did.

Rating: 4.5/5
(Ratings will be explained in the future. This blog lacks rating software, but don't r-hate it if you disagree. )