Color pun

What do you call a so-so yellow pigment?

Medi-ochre!

Definition of ochre (Taken from www.colorconcepts.com/glossary/o.htm.)
"A naturally occurring yellowish pigment composed of iron and clay."

Remember, ignorance of a word is NOT a good reason to rate a pun lowly!

(Rating:2.5/5)

I do this all the time!

This is not the donut pun!

I'll let you figure out the joke. 'Cuz it's obvious.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Mooo! (Cow pun)

Why is it unwise to invest all your money in cow farms?

You put a lot at steak!


(Rating: 3.5/5)

Baking... (Baking pun)

What do you call instructions for food that ends up burning down your house?

A Recipe for Disaster!

(Rating: 3/5)

Har Har Har... (Returning pun)

How did the product feel after it was returned to its store?

It was taken aback!

(Rating: 4/5)

...and they did all that while playing Twister. (Twist pun)

Other: ...and then his own brother came an twisted his neck, killing him instantly.
Me: Wow, what a twisted ending!
(Three meanings: Twisted neck, twisted- cruel, twisted- surprising)

(Rating: 3/5)

Gouge out my eyes!

An extremely talented artist agreed to draw a reenactment of one of the most successful puns ever. Confucius say: Man who run it front of car; tired. Man who run in back of car; exhausted.
(Rating: 4.5/5)

Weight, I have another pun! (Weight pun)

Other: Man, it must have been hard to move two thousand pounds of stone!
Me: Yeah, it was a ton of work!

(Rating: 3/5- It works both ways but has limited uses.)

More elementary puns.

Credit: BowserMan

What do you do to a dead chemist?
You BARIUM!
(Get it? Bury him?)

What do you do to a wounded chemist?
You HELIUM!
(Get it?!? Heal him)

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Pretty darn bad! (Fairytale pun)

What do you call a girl in a fairytale with long hair who keeps making witty remarks?

RePUNzal!

(Rating:2/5)

... (Table pun)

What do you call a table with really soft chairs?

Comfort-table!

(Rating: 3/5)

Not a descriptive title. (Scam pun)

What do you call a test on scamming with cash prizes for the highest scores?
...
A CON-TEST!

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Bacteria bacteria, everything you touch...

My brother and I were discussing bacteria cultures. My brother noted that alcohol and bleach were two of the common ways to kill bacteria. Bleach is better at killing bacteria cultures. To this I replied:

Other methods pale in comparison to bleach!

(Rating: 2/5)

Mandatory fun-poking at SUV drivers... (Gas pun)

What do you call someone who drives a 10mpg SUV?

A gasshole.

(Rating: 2/5)

Pun/riddle (Heart pun)

Q: In what set of bones is the heart kept prisoner?

A: In the rib cage!

(Rating: 3/5)

My genious idea for a sign in a library. (Quiet pun)

*Speaking is not aloud.*

(Get it? Allowed? Aloud?)

(Rating: 4.5/5)

Caution! Slightly crude!

Friend: More stupid work! My analysis teacher is such an ass!
Me: Well, remember- You can't spell analysis without anal!

(Rating: 3/5)

On computer memory... (Computer memory pun)

My friend: This is strange. My text file says that it is only 1 bit!
Me: Yeah, that is a BIT SMALL!

(Rating: 3.5/5)


You can use this whenever dealing with memory sizes.

Run! (Running pun)

I was attempting to run an 8 minute mile in my P.E. class. I made this pun as I completed the first lap in 1:58.

Me: "I guess you could say that I am on track!"

(Rating: 3/5)

A fairly generic good pun. (Chair pun)

What do you call the act of giving out free chairs?

Chairity.

(Rating: 4/5)

Science Pun

This pun was created by one of my friends.
After receiving a graded quiz on nomenclature (the naming of molecular compounds) my friend made this pun:

Aww, darn it! I made a bunch of elementary errors!

(Rating: 4/5)

Ohhh... Burn.

After you win a verbal sparring use this catchy phrase to add insult to insult:

Me: I guess you won't be needing food for a while...

Other: Huh?

Me: That's 'cause you'll be EATING YOUR OWN WORDS!

(Rating: 2/5)

Citrus double pun!

Other: It'd be nice to have some citrus in this cake.
Me: We can ORRANGE for that.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Other: Hmmm... Now it is a little tart.
Me: No need to be sour!

(Rating: 4/5)

Another essay?!? (English pun)

I made this pun after receiving yet another essay from my English teacher:

Me: English teachers are in-humane-ities.
(First say "inhumane" pause, and then say "ities.")

(Rating: 3/5)

YABP (Yet another bad pun.)

Me: Have you heard about all those pyromaniacs who where struck by lightning after burning buildings down?

Other: OMG Huh?

Me: Yeah, god hates those that AR-SINNERS.
(Arsoners)
(Rating: 1.5/5)

Caw-caw (Bird pun)

What do you call a man carrying an albatross around his neck?

BIRDened!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

I woodn't make this pun often. (Drilling pun)

Whaddya call a 5 hour class on drilling holes through wood?

BORING!

Gwahahaha?

(Rating: 3.5/5)