Geese Pun

Q: Why are geese so talkative all the time?
A: Because the love goosip!

Contributed by the illustrious A.H.

(Rating: 3/5)

Caper pun

My friend cooked a chicken dish with a sauce mixed with capers.  However, the capers (which look like small, green berries) did not taste the way they had expected.  They handed me a sieve and asked me to try to fish the capers out of the sauce into a separate bowl while they went to tidy the other room.

However, the sieve didn't work very well.  The sauce was too lumpy, and many of the capers were mixed in with the chicken.  After a few minutes, and only a dozen or so of the capers, I gave up.

When my friend re-entered the room, they asked me,

"Did it work?  Where is the sieve?"

I replied,

"It's in-caper-bowl."

(Rating: 3/5 -- works both ways with heavy contrivance.)

Egg pun

I was making an egg scramble.  I asked my friend if she wanted to help.

She said, "Omelette you take care of it."

By PFP

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Funnel pun

 A friend ground up chocolate pieces into small chips in a mixer, to be used for hot chocolate later.  They wanted a way to transfer the ground chocolate from the wide mouth of the mixer into a small bottle.

I suggested they used a hollowed-out salad spoon.  They could pour the fine chocolate in the spoon part, then slide it up the tapering handle and into the bottle.

 The spoon worked, funnely enough.

(Rating: 4/5, works both ways)

Extremely high quality wall pun: A dramatic retelling

 This excellent pun was conceived and exposited during a brief constitutional on a campus with a good friend.

Them: Heavens!  It appears as though our ingress into the area ahead is precluded by the presence of a chain-link barrier.

Me: Yes, how o-fence-ive.

(Rating: 2/5.  Could be a 1.5.)

Dog-boat pun

Q: What does a dog do when its boat lands?
A: It disem-barks.

(Rating: 2.5/5.  S'okay.)

Cape Pun

Q: What do you call the slang name for a cape?

A: A cloak-quialism!

(Rating: 2.5/5.  Colloquialism, cloak-qualism?  Close, but a bit contrived.)