Oh, the irony. (Iron Pun)

What do you call a iron disk with the purpose of lifting people into the air?

A ferrous wheel!

(Rating: 4/5)

Super Cow! (Cow Pun)

What do you call a cow with super powers?

Incredibull!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Fishing for good puns (Fishing Pun)

What do you call bait that never works?

A fail-lure.

(Rating: 4/5)

I can't believe it's not better! (Butter pun)

What do you call a spread similar to butter yet very slightly better?

Margerinally superior.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Yet another stinking pun. (Smell Pun)

What do you receive if you repeatedly smell bad around other people?

A deodor-rant.

(Rating: 3/5)

Monkey! (Finger pun)

What did the monkey do after he dropped a peanut into a crack in the ground?

He fingered it out eventually.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Bad holiday pun

What did one kid say to the other when the other kid got footwear as a present?

Socks for you!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

>.> (Soda pun)

Disclaimer:
This pun doesn't make much sense.

Where did the happy soda come from?

The United States, because it's A-merry-can.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Singing pun

What do you call it when all the school children sing A notes a little out of key?

A minor pitch problem.

T-t-t-triple pun!

(Rating: 4.5/5)

Curvy glass pun.

How well did a convex glass focus on a penny?

In a magnify-cent way.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Eww... (Towel pun)

How good was a sheet of paper at drying someone off?

It didn't work to-wel.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Time pun

What do you call a guy who has no time to do anything else due to the amount of reading he has to do?

Booked!

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Space pun

What do you call a spinning chunk of rock in outer space?

Whirled
(Get it, world?)

It's not a bad pun considering I didn't plan-it.

(Rating: 3/5)

Terrible golf pun

What do you call a round in golf that meets par?

Par-fect

(Rating: 2/5)

Another long awaited bad pun. (Cooking pun)

What do you get when you drop chocolate cake on your leg?

Brown-knees

(Rating: 2/5)

Bakery pun

The baker kneaded the dough and then put it into to oven until it was bready.

Rating: 2/5

Can anyone say, "Convoluted"?

Okay. There was this flea who moved into a man's ear. The ear was nice and roomy but it lacked furniture. Fortunately, this flea was also a skilled carpenter. It set about making chairs and benches. Unfortunately, this caused the host's ear to itch terribly. Yet the flea was not done. It began to make the centerpiece- a large dining room counter. When the man felt the itching begin again, yelled, "It's making meh ear-a-table!"

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Aircraft pun

What do you call a hovering aircraft which carries greeting cards?

A hellocopter!

(Rating: 3/5)

Smell pun.

I have a pungent friend who belongs to a cult which is against bathing. This pungent group that believes that smelling bad and abstaining from cleansing is the natural odor of things.

(Rating: 3/5 - A little convoluted.)

Bath pun

Friend: I can't stand bathing!
Me: Of course not! If you could, it would be showering!

(Rating: 4/5- works perfectly both ways.)

Beverage pun.

What do you call the person who chooses whether to keep or throw out bottles of sparkling apple juice?

The de-cider!

(Rating: 3/5)

Mmmm... (Cake pun)

How bad is it to be forced to eat many rich cakes in a row?

Torte-tuous!

(Rating: 3/5)

Pun.

What is the best letter to have on a cloak for running away?

An "S" so one can s-cape!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Transportation pun.

What is it called when flashes of long cars are flashed for a short time during movies?

Sub-limo-nal messaging!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

More clothing puns...

Someone else: I think I'm gonna wear a tuxedo tonight.
Me: I don't think it's in your vest interest.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Probably starting to update daily again.

...so I'll start with a terrible pun.
This one is better spoken than read.

There was this girl who had a bleeding cut on her arm. All of sudden, a burning branch fell nearby and it cauterized.
(caught-her-eyes.)

(Rating: 2.5/5. I think it's clever but takes too much explanation beforehand.)

Ouch, again. (Philosopher pun)

How good is a pun that combines electricity and philosophers?

Voltaireble.

(Rating: WTF/5)

From my Panama Presentation

...and a single bird watcher spotted over three hundred different types of birds in a single day! He must really like them, because I would have found it bird-ensome.

(Rating: 3/5)

Bleedin' needles. (Blood drawing pun.)

I went to get my blood taken recently.

Unfortunately, the nurse was rather unskilled and the procedure was rather drawn out.

(Rating: 3/5)

Buffet! (Buffet pun)

When at a buffet, when you see something you want, you chews it.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

More on more on eggs... (Egg pun)

A cook was preparing a feast centered on eggs. (Duh!)

When I asked him for something that would give me an idea of what the feast would be like, he gave me an egg-sample.
(Example)


(Rating: 3.5/5)

More on eggs... (Egg pun)

If one manages to put 4 eggs on top of each other, they are egg-stacked.
(Exact.)

(Rating: 2.5/5)

On Egg... (Egg pun)

When talking about eggs, any word that begins with "ex" can be credibly replaced with "egg."

This tastes egg-cellent!

Etc.
For the next couple days the puns will build on this formula.

(Rating: 2/5)

Not too bad. (Clinic pun)

What do you call a uncomfortable clinic?
InHospitable.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Blame my parents. (Grain pun)

Some people ask me how I manage to be so funny. After making a couple bread puns, I reply,

I was bread to be wheatty.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Constitutional rights are upheld... (Rights pun)

Why did the police stop me from speaking when I attempted to introduce a kind invisible man to them?
I was presenting a clear and pleasant stranger.

(Rating: 3/5 - It's a little obscure but I think it's clever.)
Partial credit to Sakana.

Failure! (Guitar pun)

Failing easy in Guitar Hero means that you are guitarrible.
Ummm... Right.

(Rating: 2/5)

Rocks! (Guitar hero pun)

Recently, I was discussing the similarities between Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

Me: If Rock Band sued Guitar Hero for adding the drums after Rock Band came out, there would be serious re-percussions!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Cleaning... (Cleaning pun)

One of my friends was recently complaining about having to clean up after dinner.

Me: After your parents told you to clean the plates, you were dish-appointed!

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Calembour.

This pun was conceived and wittily deployed by "I_<3_Horses."

During an argument (Warning: Contents may be slightly edited for comical purposes.):
I_<3_horses: I don't mean to be French, but that argument is BS.
Me: What does BS have to do with being French?
I_<3_horses: Silly monkey, I'm being Frank with you.

Ouch. Beaten at my own game.
(Rating: 3.5/5)