Thursday, November 26, 2009

Oh, the irony. (Iron Pun)

What do you call a iron disk with the purpose of lifting people into the air?

A ferrous wheel!

(Rating: 4/5)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Super Cow! (Cow Pun)

What do you call a cow with super powers?


(Rating: 2.5/5)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Fishing for good puns (Fishing Pun)

What do you call bait that never works?

A fail-lure.

(Rating: 4/5)

Monday, October 19, 2009

I can't believe it's not better! (Butter pun)

What do you call a spread similar to butter yet very slightly better?

Margerinally superior.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Yet another stinking pun. (Smell Pun)

What do you receive if you repeatedly smell bad around other people?

A deodor-rant.

(Rating: 3/5)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Monkey! (Finger pun)

What did the monkey do after he dropped a peanut into a crack in the ground?

He fingered it out eventually.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Friday, October 16, 2009

Bad holiday pun

What did one kid say to the other when the other kid got footwear as a present?

Socks for you!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

>.> (Soda pun)

This pun doesn't make much sense.

Where did the happy soda come from?

The United States, because it's A-merry-can.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Singing pun

What do you call it when all the school children sing A notes a little out of key?

A minor pitch problem.

T-t-t-triple pun!

(Rating: 4.5/5)

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Curvy glass pun.

How well did a convex glass focus on a penny?

In a magnify-cent way.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Monday, October 12, 2009

Eww... (Towel pun)

How good was a sheet of paper at drying someone off?

It didn't work to-wel.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Time pun

What do you call a guy who has no time to do anything else due to the amount of reading he has to do?


(Rating: 3.5/5)

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Space pun

What do you call a spinning chunk of rock in outer space?

(Get it, world?)

It's not a bad pun considering I didn't plan-it.

(Rating: 3/5)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Terrible golf pun

What do you call a round in golf that meets par?


(Rating: 2/5)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Another long awaited bad pun. (Cooking pun)

What do you get when you drop chocolate cake on your leg?


(Rating: 2/5)

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Bakery pun

The baker kneaded the dough and then put it into to oven until it was bready.

Rating: 2/5

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Can anyone say, "Convoluted"?

Okay. There was this flea who moved into a man's ear. The ear was nice and roomy but it lacked furniture. Fortunately, this flea was also a skilled carpenter. It set about making chairs and benches. Unfortunately, this caused the host's ear to itch terribly. Yet the flea was not done. It began to make the centerpiece- a large dining room counter. When the man felt the itching begin again, yelled, "It's making meh ear-a-table!"

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Aircraft pun

What do you call a hovering aircraft which carries greeting cards?

A hellocopter!

(Rating: 3/5)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Smell pun.

I have a pungent friend who belongs to a cult which is against bathing. This pungent group that believes that smelling bad and abstaining from cleansing is the natural odor of things.

(Rating: 3/5 - A little convoluted.)

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Bath pun

Friend: I can't stand bathing!
Me: Of course not! If you could, it would be showering!

(Rating: 4/5- works perfectly both ways.)

Monday, April 20, 2009

Beverage pun.

What do you call the person who chooses whether to keep or throw out bottles of sparkling apple juice?

The de-cider!

(Rating: 3/5)

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Mmmm... (Cake pun)

How bad is it to be forced to eat many rich cakes in a row?


(Rating: 3/5)


What is the best letter to have on a cloak for running away?

An "S" so one can s-cape!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Friday, April 17, 2009

Transportation pun.

What is it called when flashes of long cars are flashed for a short time during movies?

Sub-limo-nal messaging!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

More clothing puns...

Someone else: I think I'm gonna wear a tuxedo tonight.
Me: I don't think it's in your vest interest.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Probably starting to update daily again. I'll start with a terrible pun.
This one is better spoken than read.

There was this girl who had a bleeding cut on her arm. All of sudden, a burning branch fell nearby and it cauterized.

(Rating: 2.5/5. I think it's clever but takes too much explanation beforehand.)

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Ouch, again. (Philosopher pun)

How good is a pun that combines electricity and philosophers?


(Rating: WTF/5)

Thursday, March 19, 2009

From my Panama Presentation

...and a single bird watcher spotted over three hundred different types of birds in a single day! He must really like them, because I would have found it bird-ensome.

(Rating: 3/5)

Monday, February 16, 2009

Bleedin' needles. (Blood drawing pun.)

I went to get my blood taken recently.

Unfortunately, the nurse was rather unskilled and the procedure was rather drawn out.

(Rating: 3/5)

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Buffet! (Buffet pun)

When at a buffet, when you see something you want, you chews it.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Monday, January 12, 2009

More on more on eggs... (Egg pun)

A cook was preparing a feast centered on eggs. (Duh!)

When I asked him for something that would give me an idea of what the feast would be like, he gave me an egg-sample.

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Sunday, January 11, 2009

More on eggs... (Egg pun)

If one manages to put 4 eggs on top of each other, they are egg-stacked.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Saturday, January 10, 2009

On Egg... (Egg pun)

When talking about eggs, any word that begins with "ex" can be credibly replaced with "egg."

This tastes egg-cellent!

For the next couple days the puns will build on this formula.

(Rating: 2/5)

Friday, January 9, 2009

Not too bad. (Clinic pun)

What do you call a uncomfortable clinic?

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Blame my parents. (Grain pun)

Some people ask me how I manage to be so funny. After making a couple bread puns, I reply,

I was bread to be wheatty.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Constitutional rights are upheld... (Rights pun)

Why did the police stop me from speaking when I attempted to introduce a kind invisible man to them?
I was presenting a clear and pleasant stranger.

(Rating: 3/5 - It's a little obscure but I think it's clever.)
Partial credit to Sakana.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Failure! (Guitar pun)

Failing easy in Guitar Hero means that you are guitarrible.
Ummm... Right.

(Rating: 2/5)

Monday, January 5, 2009

Rocks! (Guitar hero pun)

Recently, I was discussing the similarities between Guitar Hero and Rock Band.

Me: If Rock Band sued Guitar Hero for adding the drums after Rock Band came out, there would be serious re-percussions!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Cleaning... (Cleaning pun)

One of my friends was recently complaining about having to clean up after dinner.

Me: After your parents told you to clean the plates, you were dish-appointed!

(Rating: 3.5/5)

Saturday, January 3, 2009


This pun was conceived and wittily deployed by "I_<3_Horses."

During an argument (Warning: Contents may be slightly edited for comical purposes.):
I_<3_horses: I don't mean to be French, but that argument is BS.
Me: What does BS have to do with being French?
I_<3_horses: Silly monkey, I'm being Frank with you.

Ouch. Beaten at my own game.
(Rating: 3.5/5)