New Post!

I haven't posted any puns over the last 7 days. At the beginning of the 7 days, I told my friends that aliens abducted my hard drive. I guess you could say that it was a WEEK excuse!

(Rating: 3/5)

DotA Puns

These puns are based of characters in the Warcraft 3 map DotA.
There is a unit named Abbadon and another named Spectre. These puns are based of those two names.

Me:
Some heros are really bad signs when your opponents pick them. The Lord of Avernus certainly is A-badd-one!
(Get it? Abaddon, a badd one)
(Rating: 3.5/5)

Me:
This hero isn't that good. I did exSpectre to be better.
(Rating: 2.5/5)

Don't bother with these if you haven't heard of the game.

Two more more mediocre hemi-puns

This one isn't really a pun.
When someone forgets their backpack, say this:
Take your pack back.
(Rating: 1.5/5)

Friend:
I can't believe I got a C on that test! I'm going to throw away my binder.

Me:
Don't do anything tRASH!
(Rating: 2/5)

Don't look sheepish! (Goat pun)

Hokay, so...
A man died and was being reincarnated. He was hoping to be something majestic like an eagle or a lion. As he was being reborn, he noticed he was a sheep. He looked up to his mother and said:
Ewe are kidding me!

(Get it? You/ewe? Kidding can mean joking or birthing.)

(Rating: 4/5)

Small pun (Atom pun)

What do you call a published essay on atoms?
A pArticle!

Bwahahaha!
(Rating: 3/5)
Come on, it works!

I think I'll become vegatarian. (Fat pun)

Me:
We shouldn't eat so much fatty meat. Too much fat can cause stroke and heart attack!
Family:
'kay. So?
Me:
When it comes to meat, it's better to lean on the side of caution.

This can easily be changed into a story pun or joke.
(Rating: 3.5/5)

I'll see you in Court! (Tennis pun)

After winning tennis, my opponent was fuming.

Me:
No need to make such a raquet!

(Rating: 2/5)

Stones. (Hiking pun)

My brother recently went bouldering.

Me:
That rocks! You certainly have gotten boulder.


(Rating: 4/5)

Double Mediocre Pun day! (Hair pun)

Two mediocre puns!

Other:
You should get your hair cut.

Me:
No way! That is barberous.

(Rating: 2.5/5)
My old Social Studies teacher: (I'm probably misquoting this terribly.)
This is how Julius Caesar took over the Roman Goverment and how Hannibal took 37 elephants over the Alps. This is his-story.
(Rating: 2/5)

(Reed: Linux Rocks!)

Schooled! (School pun)

A highly intelligent friend of mine recently switched schools. He was forbade by the administrators to take the classes he wanted, despite being completely capable of succeeding in them.


The principle reason he left the school was because he didn't agree with its principals.
(No pun on the first principle.)

(Rating: 3/5)

Cheepo tactic for pulling off bad puns.

WARNING: This will more often get a "Grrrr" then a "Haha." Too many "Grrrr's" and it's "Ouch" time. For you.

Someone says something that can be interpreted a different way. You feign a double take and point it out to them.

Example from previous post:
Other:
I'm defeated!
Me:
Your feet look fine to me!

Use this on relatives, as others will have no compunction after killing you.

A buncha bad... WORSE puns.

Everyone has terrible ideas, right? Well, here are mine, condensed into one post of horror.

Other:
I'm gonna cut down that tree!
Me:
I woodn't!

Other:
I'm gonna pick the grass!
Me:
You grasshole!

Other:
So, we are building a new section over here...
Me:
House that supposed to work?

Other:
Oh no! I've been defeated!
Me:
I dunno, they seem to be attached fine to me.

(Rating: 0uch/5. Fine, 1/5.)

It Jappened In Japan! (Ouch.) (Garden pun)

Father:
This garden is kept by epic ancient warrior magic monks.
(Fine, not really.)
Me:
Well, I'm glad to see it is well guardend.

(Rating: 2.5/5)

Whether which weather witch would switch wood for heather while using her wiles was not well known which is why neither nether beast bested either.

Don't worry, this pun has nothing to do with the title. Except weather.

Nice, cool weather:
This weather is nice!
Yeah, it is pretty cool.

Too cold weather:
I don't like this weather. Not warm enough.
Insulting the weather? That's cold.

Too hot weather:
I'M HOT!
Chill, dude.
OR
I dunno, I'm warming up to it.
AND if you are male:
Well, you ARE standing next to a son!

(Rating: 3.5/5, easy to use)

Another Double Pun!

They bluntly refused to let him/her _______, but they let them join their club!
(Get it? Blunt club? Jajajaja?)
(This is just one use of blunt. Many others work.)

Bob entered the bookstore looking for a book, but instead he found a hippo-robber-ninja! I guess you could say he didn't know what was in store!



(Rating: 3.5/5)

Be Careful What You Say! (Conversation pun)

A recent conversation I've had...
Me:
You look very nice.
Other:
Thanks! I'm flattered!
Me:
Flattered? That's terrible! Who ran you over?
Other:
...
Me:
Are you feeling okay?
Other:
Yeah, why?
Me:
You look a little run down!
Other:
Ahhhhhhhh!

(Rating: 3/5; Could have been used to better effect.)
Pun Words-
Flatter - Embaressed by complement/to be flattened
Run down - Sick/Run over

The sing-ally best pun! (Singing pun)

In school, singing is a re-choired chorus.
Required course? Hahahaha!
(Rating: 4.5/5)


I'm so proud that I made it up myself! It makes me want to siiiing!

Would you like that with milk?

Friend:
I've eaten Cheerios everyday for the last year!

Me:
Oh my god... I didn't know you were a cereal killer!

(Rating: 2.5/5)

I barely survived! (Desk puns)

Friend:
I can't find my favorite desk!

Me:
Can you deskribe it to me?

Friend:
Grrrr... Oh, I've found it. I'm gonna move it to my spot.

Me:
That was desk-pick-able!

Friend:
Stabity-stab-stab!

(Rating: 4/5)

Ouch! (Pencil pun)

Friend:
I've sharpened my pencil a lot! I won't need to use the sharpener for a while.

Me:
You've got a point.

This pun can be applied to any famous person who has been stabbed to death:
The Roman senate didn't like Caesar taking over. Finally, on the Ives of March, Caesar got their point.
(Rating: 3/5)